Heller

Check, check. 1-2-3. Is Brooklyn in the house? Word.

I don't have much to say but now that this is all set up I probably should. Today I'm wondering when the 13 year old boy trapped inside me will shut up. While quite polite and sweet under most circumstances, in the vicinity of my friends I turn into Beavis. In the last 24 hours I have a) added "butt plugs" to my friend's to-do list while she was in the bathroom, b) responded to the same friend's comment that a certain someone who I am currently magnetically drawn to needs to "come into our inner fold" with "I'd like to come in her inner fold." Ehem.

I feel weird even writing that on here, but what I'm realizing is that I need to "own" who I am a little bit more, as in, completely immerse myself in the two communities that I should be and am not. These are of course the writing and queer communities. Not that either have anything to do with me being a prevert, but more that I need to not be hiding the best parts of me from the outside world. This all sounds very Oprah but is liberating. I'm quite sure that all this will come into play with a couple epiphanies swirled in when I get back from vacation in October. That's not to say that I can't get started before then as anything can happen in three weeks. For instance next week Janer has set me up to paint her apartment while she is recovering from surgery with a certain Jenn D who teaches creative writing at York and is a mixture of a fairy mentor and a sesame street puppet. Very much looking forward to picking her brain, and Jane even tipped her off that I have "talent". (wiping tear)

Then there's the whole dating thing. I kind of want to go away single, not so that I can go wild (ok maybe a bit) but also so that I'm not distracted with thoughts of home while there. The last time I was in Paris I was completely googly over someone back home, sending love letters off every second day, only to come home and be promptly dumped for a republican boy from Minnesota. Lesson: learned. But I can't control what happens before, during or after the trip except to say that I think I'm going to only date women as a political statement/healing process for a while. I realized recently through the unfortunately difficult coming out of a friend just how easy I had it/have it, and maybe I should just embrace that and go with it? Sure. I've said too much already.