strawberry letter 22

I’m out of Tylenol and the withdrawal is causing my back and neck muscles to coil and burn. Soon they will relax, shifting the tension into the nape of my neck, massive headache styles. I’m trying not to buy any more at my liver’s request.

Reason #43 I need a girlfriend. My last lesbian relationship consisted almost entirely of exchanged back massages and pancakes. I miss that. She contacted me recently to check in and apologize for missed opportunities and messing things up. Nice closure, would you like to come over and rub my neck please? I’ll make you Caesar salad. We don’t have to tell your boyfriend.

Leaving in 8 days and besides securing a passport and care for my pets I am not even remotely ready. Amy suggested we start with laundry. I countered with packing 3 pairs of gitch and buying a new wardrobe overseas. The lazy, visa-holding approach. Ah well.

I keep getting this nervous energy thumping through my midsection, at first confusing it with a nic-fit and/or bowel issues and then realizing it’s the excitement of a crush I don’t know exactly what to do with yet. Maybe I should wait until I get back, but that might be too long. Hm. This is the problem with girls. Its way too easy for me to just decide that I’d rather be friends forever then chance ever having to break up or get rejected. I always chance it with guys, which might be a problem in itself. Did I already write about this? I’m having déjà vu. Trying not to write about it on here for obvious reasons, so instead harassing my friends with the peas approach. The peas approach was developed by Jane and describes trying to have a conversation with someone who is crushing. Example:

Jane: I had peas last night, they were good, I think they are in season.
Alissa: Oh my god! (Name of crush) loves peas!!

5 minutes later

Jane: I’m going to have my wisdom teeth out in January.
Alissa: Oh my god! (Name of crush) was born in January!!

Anyway, large bowl of peas in this case but I’m trying to keep it under wraps.

Seeing my mother tonight, so excited to curl up with her at the movies. She’ll totally rub my back if I ask her. She’s the reason I’m addicted to touch I think. I spent my first 10 years suction cupped to her, rubbing each other’s scalps and her letting me rat up her curly hair with bobby pins and clips.